Pohdintaa, erityisesti uusia skeneläisiä ajatellen (huom englanninkielinen!)

[Jen]

Olen aihealuetta hieman pohdiskellut ja kirjoitin jo maaliskuussa tämän pohdinnan pohjan.. Tänään sitten näytin pohdiskelevan tekstini Cudalle ja pienin lisäyksin keskustelun pohjalta, jonka sen myötä syntyi, postasin sen fetlifeen. Siksi teksti on englanninkielinen.

Se miksi kirjoitin tämän ja miksi julkaisin tämän on mielestäni kiintoisa ja jopa tärkeä aihe. Aihe josta puhutaan ja josta ei puhuta. En ensin ajatellut julkaista tekstiä myös täällä tai edes fetlifessä aivan alkujaan, mutta Cuda sanoi, että voisin kääntää tekstin tänne.. No kääntämään en nyt ala, mutta jos joku halukas tekstin haluaa kääntää suomen kielelle niin ole hyvä vain.

https://fetlife.com/users/3629896/posts/2996172

New to the scene?

I myself fell for some stuff as I started and I see so many innocent newcomers falling for them as well.. Placing my penny here, now. I am not speaking of these to scare you off, no way, I am speaking of these to let you know. I want you into the scene, I don't want to scare you off.

If it feels too good, it probably is not as it seems
Especially when on​​line people can always mask what they really are. Be careful and trust your instincts - if it feels or seems odd take a step back and re-analyze it a bit, is it right, should it be?

If you are not comfortable, stop
Or pause at least. Think what you really want, go through the situation, is it what you need or want? If not you can always back out, even if you were already in an relationship. Don't waste your life on mooning over something that doesn't feel good or right.

Listen
Many people can give you good advises, but remember, they are just advises. You don't must follow them as rule, you can listen and learn, take what feels best for you. There is a lot of talking about this and that Dom/me, some are for reason but some are just because of envy - listen, get knowing and judge by your own instinct, what works to one might not work to other.

Keep it healthy
You have just one life, live it the way you want and the way that feels right. You might feel or think it is all about the Dom/me but no, it is all about the submissive. She/he can always leave if it's not good for them, you do not must follow rule that ruins the rest of your life. Stay safe, stay healthy, do as you feel is good.

Find a friend you trust
If you don't have one, try to seek for one. The friend you trust can be there for you if you need someone to listen or if you are unsure about something. You can always talk with her/him about your concerns and especially if you're in a session-based relationship the friend can help so you won't fall with a drop - you know you are never completely alone but you have always that friend, no matter what. Sometimes all you need is a friend to just hang with, even if you wouldn't speak of anything that has happened.

Safety network
The friend you trust can be a part of it. Even if you would completely trust the Dom/me you're meeting (this applies for the Dom/mes as well - it's not always about only submissives safety) for the first time you could set up a safe call. The friend could call you the moment you've agreed to for example "to ask you for coffee" and you respond as you've agreed to or the call aid for you; such as "Yes sure but some other day" for all is good or "Maybe tomorrow" to check up again in agreed time or "Not today but how about.." for instant call for aid - make up your own safety code, I used the "norm" yes/green, maybe/yellow and no/red in the example.
Listen peoples advises but don't buy them raw. If people keep telling you something is odd with one you aim or do play with, try to seek for truth; is it as people speak or not?

Trust your instincts
If it doesn't feel good, walk away. Do not torment yourself with something that you clearly do not enjoy.

You are worthy
Never forget you are a human being. No matter the type of the relationship you are in or are looking for. The D/s relationship is always a trade, a sub gives her/himself but gains what they need/want from their Dom/me in it. Know what you need/want, demand it. And I do know there is some who want to be floormats, I'm fine with them, only you know what you need or want in the trade. You willingly give yourself to other and that is a great deal, know for what you give yourself for.
Someone could call you a "candy-store sub" by that you tell what you want or demand what you want, but here I mean that the Dom/me knows what you are ready for, what you are willing to do, what you dream of.. What are your hard limits or soft limits.. And this all is knowledge that is shared when you get to know each other, a Dom/me who is not willing to listen you might not be worth of it or you.

Don't let anyone break you
And this I don't say in play-way but in the cold truth way. For some in the scene this all is adult play to have fun, to add spice into life, to enjoy for some this is life and at least partly serious. For some just in bedroom for some all day, every day. The thing is, if you go over, you can break mentally. If things go too serious in your opinion or opposite, you should back off and tell this to your partner - maybe he/she wasn't the right one for you as clearly your wants and needs don't match.
Always, and I mean always know where you are, what you are ready for, where are your limits. The limits live and grow, what you could do with one might not apply to what you could do with another, everyone is their own person and personality and everyone functions their own way. Get knowing your partner, don't take blind step if you are not sure of what you're doing.
In the worst case scenario you could end up hospitalized as you give so much of yourself to another and the one manages to fail you completely. This is play but this is not a thing to play with. Always listen to yourself, your own body and your needs.
A Dom/me with certain personality disorders can fuck with your mind into a state where you completely fall of with it. Be careful but don't forget to have fun and enjoy your time.

~

I am still new to the scene myself. I have done mistakes and will do many still but I have been lucky. I did get a good Master who treats me well. I know He respects me and my submission. I am not perfect nor ever will be, I learn more day by day. He takes care of me and is there for me. Things could always be worse.. I could have ended up with one who doesn't respect me or my submission one small bit and as new to the scene I probably would have taken it, thinking it is as it should be even if it isn't.

I met the right person who taught me already a lot about myself, a lot about scene and a lot about everything else.

I was lucky, not everyone is though. That inspired me to write this. Please, do comment your thoughts, a debate over this is always good and I can always edit to the text more of the thoughts. I am still new and I know there's never too much of tips for anyone to know, whether they felt it good or bad for them. As long as everyone can look up to everything in a clear thought.

[submit]

Hyvää pohdintaa, kiitos Jen


Tiedon kerääminen, verkostoituminen ja itsensä kuuntelu - siinä monta tärkeää asiaa kenelle tahansa uudelle skenessä.