Tässä alla häpeämättömästi lainattu naamalasta Sir InQ "profiilista". Mielestäni tämä teksti tuo hyvinkin selkeästi esiin kommunikoinnin ja rehellisyyden tärkeyden.
A Dominant's view
To be dominant, a true dominant, is a hard job. Aside from the usual load of daily ‘domhood’, a dominant has to read His submissive. This is a very hard thing to do because how is one man, whom from our submissive eyes is supposed to be this all knowing and in control person up on his pedestal, unable to just read us like a book? He has before, with a touch, a command. He’s shown that he knows you in how he treats you. So we assume its easy for him to do so, to see through us because from the moment we became his, we think or believe somewhere deep within our minds that somehow he gained these magical ‘Dominant Powers’ that make him everything he is when he is with us. He doesn’t and there isn’t. He is just a man. A strong man who can melt us with one glance and somehow bring out the best, or at least the desire to be our best, just for him.
It's not magic in the least. It's work. Hard work that he can’t do on his own. He can’t magically look at us and know everything, at least not without our help. It's up to us, the submissives, to make us transparent. To ‘weave the veil away’ as it were to let him see deep within us everything we hope and expect and desire him to see and even the stuff we don’t. It's not our job or our place to determine what is for him to see and not to see. It is our job to work our magic so he can see what he wants.
So when we, as submissives, have something closed off within us, whether it is something small, like perhaps not telling him you forgot to do the chore he had asked you to do, to something large like withholding your true feelings and emotions about something important, that creates problems. It bends and winds. Sometimes it goes straight and sometimes it gets so rocky and messy its nothing but white rapids. This river is the communication and the transparency of you to your dominant and your dominant to you. The river is your dominant and you are the bed, or ‘groove’, in the earth by which he flows. If everything is open, even if it's a little bumpy by some rocks, the river, and the bed are one and the flow of the both of you together brings life to the present and the future of possibilities. It paves the way to a strong future ahead.
When we do not communicate and we close off even a small part of ourselves to our dominants, it's like a beaver building a dam in the river. A large ‘blockage’ cuts the river off completely and the bed is guaranteed to become dry and empty. Life will cease to flow to the future and the present will go from mud to dry cracks in the earth. This holds true even for small blockages. Small ones will still allow the water to flow around them but not as easily. The more blockages that build up, the harder it will be for life to flow to the future and will create a thick stagnant mud of the present. And eventually they will build up and the river will be cut off completely and the bed will be as dry and empty as a large blockage.
Without that flow, the water will then begin to carve its way into new channels…wrong channels that lead away from the core of its path and it will have to fight and push every step of the way. Every inch takes more of the water from the river and eats away more of the earth. All because of one little beaver (no pun AT ALL intended – be serious!) decided to block up that river.
In truth, this applies to all relationships but it is essential in a D/s or M/s dynamic. If we do not keep open transparency with our dominants, those ‘wrong channels’ will lead him to make decisions that are wrong but he will think is right, because it was us who directed it there. It will cause pain and struggle. Frustration and heartache. Bitterness and anger. It will drive a wedge between you and your dominant which will grow and grow until you are so far away from him you can’t even squint to see his outline. No one wants that. Not you. Not him.
Yes, sometimes the easy thing is to hold something back, especially if you are trying to protect him in some way or give him a level of freedom, even at your expense. Easy, however, is not always right. You may think you are ‘protecting’ him or ‘giving’ him freedom but you're not. And frankly, it is not always your place to be protective and it surely is NEVER your place to ‘allow’ him anything. It is natural for us to want the best for our dominants and we will go to extreme measures to do that. Being the ‘best’, however, does not mean withholding something, anything, from him. He is the one who allows you things, not you allow him things. He controls you. That's it. Plain and simple. The release of power to him was your decision and you gave it to him. By withholding, you not only create barriers in your relationship but you insult him in a way a submissive rarely can insult their dominant. You insult him by not trusting in the trust you relinquished to him and by doing this, you convey the message that you do not trust him and that the release of control to him was nothing but a lie, a mirage built on falseness. That is not what we ever meant to happen and it surely is not something we would or could ever want but that is the result. That is the message we send to him when we hold anything back from him.
So the next time you are thinking you want to hold something back, for whatever reason you can think of, ask yourself: are you ready to look him in the eye and tell Him “Fuck You, it never meant anything”? If such a question makes you shudder to your very core and nearly crumple into yourself with pain and anguish, then you have the answer. Ask yourself if holding whatever it is you want to hold back from him really is for anyone’s benefit. Ever.
This is an original work by guest author fierycalli. Re-posting in its entirety without cost is permitted. All rights reserved.
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