An open letter from a sub to a DomPrenote: a few weeks back I spent a weekend with a vanilla friend, we spoke about the scene, about what I am and it felt difficult for him to understand why I am in, why I enjoy being controlled, owned. For him it was interesting to learn about my true self and I think that eventually he got a point, but these thoughts started swirling in my mind.. So here I am, writing my thoughts, emotions.. I believe this would also be what some other subs could tell and say..
I am not a rug, I am proud of what I am and don't say things in the way I am expected to but in the way I feel and want to, in the way that what I say is truth for me. By finally giving this by writing this I feel I'll give more of me to Him I had ever before given.. I am Yours, not because that is what You want, but because I want to be Yours. You control me but at the same You take care of me.
You look after me, if I do wrong, You straighten my actions with justice I have given to You the moment I gave myself to You.
You don't abuse me, You do what is right, You do what is good for me. You cherish me in the way You know is best for me, that is what I need.
By giving myself to You I have given You my trust and loyalty, it is not a small thing, it is a responsibility.
I trust You don't hurt me, only correct when it is necessary. You help me to enjoy, You ease my every day.
They say it is You who enjoys and am just a tool, pet or whatsoever, but in the trade is always two sides. While I am Yours to be used it is You who give me what I dear most, control, safety, caring..
I might be proud and dominating in my day-life where I must be, it is You who takes the burden of me as You pull me to Your feet and stroke my hair. It is You who pulls me into Your arms when I feel I can't go any further, when I feel I can't go on. It is You who give me the care and all I need to go on. When I feel crying with the burden of the world You come and hold me, strengthen me, and I know I don't need to face the world alone.
You protect me and I know I am in safe.
I am not alone, I step after You because I know You will lead me into the safety.
You give me so much in all You do that it is only right You enjoy of what I am, that I can give You pleasure in what You do to care of me.
I might be a brat, a princess, a pet, a toy, anything I might be.. But one thing does not change, You take the burden of the world from my shoulders, You protect me, You take care of me when everybody else forgets about me. I give myself to You with everything we both already know I do.
It is never one-sided, even if the others would only see You abusing me, in between us two it is You who controls but at the same it is You who has the responsibility of me and of my actions. I would never abuse that responsibility, because I know I gain so much more when I can just be Yours.
The outsiders might never see through the delicate balance we have and share, they only see You because it is You who stand between me and them, not to hide me but to keep me safe.
They hear Your harsh words, they don't know how those words hold me and show me how proud You are as You own me. How proud I am being owned and cared.
Sometimes it is even nearly impossible to explain it to other people, it is never easy to explain why I enjoy being Yours, it isn't for everyone, not everyone could even ever understand. Why I enjoy that You can do to me what You please, when and where You please. That You wouldn't do anything I wouldn't accept, that You wouldn't break but bend what I could take, that You make me more than I could ever be without You.
How I enjoy when You show them that I am Yours, that You do what You want but at the same what I want and need. They do not see that.
Jen
